How About a Hike?

Friederike Bear, 2014, Devil's Pool at Wissahickon Park, Philadelphia, PA, Digital Photo

Today I was planning on going on a hike, but decided to check my emails first. The news was bad on unemployment. I got anxious. What if my agency gets closed? No one is protected after all! I almost closed my computer when ads in the right column captured my attention. Meet a Catholic bachelor, buy sexy runway boots, go on a diet, get a new you!

If my company gets out of business how can I afford that?

I was ready to go on a hike but on the bottom of the page I saw an ad on penis enlargement. I am a woman, but what if my man unconsciously suffers? Penis enlargement is a multimillion industry, I heard. Indirectly it keeps people employed, directly it makes them happy, or other way around. The feeling is mutual. We are all in it together.

If I go on a hike, who am I helping?

On the outdoors trail I might lose a few pounds of my precious weight, and feel better about my selfish self without buying a pair of sexy runway boots, or meeting a Catholic bachelor.  I might meet a few dogs with their antisocial owners, but where would we order drinks? I might see a stork flying low in a narrow corridor over a misty creak, but who would I pay for the spectacle? I might work out my muscles without hiring a personal trainer.

We are all in it together. A hike on a trail may be helping anxieties, but not economy.

I get up on my feet and drove to CVS. There, at the drive-through window I picked up an anti-anxiety drug, the remedy for all problems. It would keep me calm and our jobs secure. Millions of people all over the country would wake up tomorrow to go to their work places at doctors’ offices, universities, science labs, pharmaceutical companies, drug warehouses and retail pharmacies locations. Good morning, America! Good shit to keep you running!